i love accidental penises.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
