yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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