what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
