dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
