I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
