i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
