I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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