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we made out on top of his cat.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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