not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
