bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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