i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
