i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
