On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
