im holly from the hills drunk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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