he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
