Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
