What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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