there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
