This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
MIDGETS
????
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
