if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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