I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize