i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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