All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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