Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
