You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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