Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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