My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
