i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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