I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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