if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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