Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
