Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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