Im at strip club and am horny
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
