Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
