Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
