And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
