Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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