She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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