I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
