Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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