Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
