home. puking in laundry basket.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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