Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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