Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
