I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
