What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
