i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
