i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
