Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
