the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
