it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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