So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
