My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
