He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
