Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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