Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
