You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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