Im at strip club and am horny
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
