i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
