i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
