i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
