She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
