I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
