who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you had me at cake vodka
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
