We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think people are normalizing furries
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
